300!
This post is long due. It was meant to be a rant on Hollywood. Then I changed my mind and decided to write a long boring post about how us, Persians, were so cool and awesome 2500 years ago and that it didn’t matter how the world sees us today!!! Then, again, for the reasons that are hard to explain, I changed my mind! New plan was to write about the similarities of “Persians vs. Spartans” and “The Royal Navy vs. Islamic Revolutionary Guard.” With a little bit of “nuclrear” energy B$ on the side, I would have had an all in one rant on Iranians, Americans, and Brits! But, that changed too! I have had a good Weekend and I’m not in a right mood to rant! So here’s my review on the movie 300!
I first heard about the movie 300 about 2 months ago. Mr. Amigo showed me the trailer and said some other things that I can’t remember! A couple of days later, M mentioned it over the phone and said how pissed off she was because the barbaric and monstrous portrayal of ancient Persians and all that. So I Googled the thing and it turned out that the movie is in fact based on a comic book named 300 and not the real battle of Thermopylae. The comic book itself is inspired by a 60’s swords and sandals movie based on the real battle! I don’t think it can get any less historically inaccurate than this! So, we all called the war on Hollywood off and decided to remain civilised! Something that Republicans should have done after they were told about WMDs in Iraq! Anyway… I went to see 300 last Thursday and after almost 4 days, I’m still not sure whether to hate it or love it! I’ll explain why…
Considering that this is dramatised version of a real story, I can deal with the facts that Persians are not black! Did not have piercings all over their faces. Did not have slaves in their army, but mercenaries; they fought better. Were not zombies, vampires and big fat monsters with lobster claws… I can deal with all that without any problem. After all, a comic book wouldn’t be comic if the bad guys were just as charming, cute and handsome as the good guys!
300 is one of the most visually beautiful movies I have ever seen. Larry Fong’s superb cinematography goes on top my list along with Clooney’s Good Night, and Good Luck (awesome lighting), Coppola’s The Godfather (gorgeous colours) and Zemeckis‘ Forrest Gump (superb scenery). Like a friend of mine said, every single frame of this movie could be poster! It literally made me go “woooooaaaaah” in the cinema more than once!!! But that’s about the only good thing about this movie.
Performances are so one dimentional and awful that you shouldn’t watch 300 with a full stomach or you might puke! The reason I managed to survive the ridiculous lectures on “new age of freedom” and democracy was that I was paying attention to other things. Lena Headey, for example. Or the artificial light, shadow and dust effects. Or how the colours differ in each scene. if you don’t want to get bored after only 30 minutes, I’d recommend you do the same too! On the other hand, as soon as the battle begins, there’s enough visual effect to keep you awake until the end! Of course, Tyler Bates’s good music is also very helpful.
All in all, 300 is an entertaining movie that should be seen on big screen. It wouldn’t look as eye chatching on DVD, though. Like I said, the only good things about it are the good design and music. Other than that, it’s nothing but a gorgeous looking golden shiny bucket full of crap! Worth the look, but you don’t really have to go deep into it to see what’s going on!!!
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